Stage IV Ovarian CancerMy seemingly healthy mother was diagnosed with Stage IV Ovarian Cancer about 8 weeks ago (her pre-op CA 125 level was 3,250 and pre-chemo level was 3,695). Since then, so much has happened. First, she underwent surgery for a complete hysterectomy and debaulking. The surgeon said that the cancer had spread extensively throughout her abdomen, covering all her organs (except for her liver) and her lungs. He said it literally covered everything. Additionally, tumors lined the diaphram and spotted the lungs. As inoperable as that sounds, the surgeon said he was able to remove approx. 95% of the tumors. Although this was initally encouraging, my hopes quickly turned to fear and uncertainty. The pain was (and still is) unbelievable! In an effort to keep this story in chronological order, I need to now tell you about my dad. Four weeks to the day after my mom was diagnosed, my dad was told that his colon cancer that had been in remission for 8 years had now returned in full force. The stress is too much to take for both of them. My parents morn for each other already. My dad has said that he will not worry about his own cancer now, because he wants to concentrate on my mom. As this is not a colon cancer support website, I will focus this story on my mom. I just wanted all readers to fully comprehend what my mom (and the rest of the family) is facing.....Last week my mom had her first treatment of chemotherapy. It is so hard watching her suffer. Especially when I don't know if it is really helping. I don't want her to live the remainder of her life suffering. Right now she is in so much pain. I can't even imagine why it is this bad. Almost daily she talks about how she'd rather die than live like this. I feel like this story is just me rambling. I'm sorry if it seems unorganized, but I have so many thoughts just flowing through my head quicker than I can type! I just need to get some of this out of me so that I won't bust at the seams. I have cried so many times that I wonder how I have any tears left. I want to just call her and listen to her breathe. I tell her constantly how much I love her. I listen to her every word, even the drug induced ones that don't make sense. I just know that someday I will miss having her around to listen to and to listen to me. My pain is magnified by seeing the pain on my children's faces. My mom has been their second mom for years. I am a CPA and work in public accounting. Over the years when I have worked 70+ hour weeks, my mom has basically raised my chilren. She comes to my house first thing in the morning and takes care of them all day, whether it be to get them off to school during the school year or to play with them in the summer. They love her so deeply. Because this was such an abrupt event, the children are confused. Cancer is no different than a cold in a child's mind. They don't understand why grandma can't come over any more. My two older children are beginning to comprehend it some. We have taken them to see her and they know that she looks bad. They know that she is not well. One of my girls asked me if grandma was going to die soon. They cry each night for grandma to come play with them again. For those of you that have continued to read this story, thank you! I appreciate your attention. I'm not certain why I wrote all this. I know that there is no magical words that anyone can say to me that will erase any of the pain that's in my heart. BUT, I would be grateful to anyone who might try. God bless all of you that are suffering due to this horrible disease! Keep my family in your prayers, because my mom's battle is far from over and my dad's battle has just begun!
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